thank you messypandas at deviantart for that lovely images above

Kalau gw disuruh milih top 5 film paling berpengaruh dalam hidup gue, tiga film diatas masuk di dalam list tersebut. Those three movies basically ngebentuk, ngerancang my lovelife, unconsciously. At least in my early life. Its weird, after three years this blog has exist, gw gak pernah nulis something about it.

I still remember the first time I’ve watched Before Sunrise. Gw tonton di taon 2003. Lulus SMA. Disaat itu, gw masih jadi seorang cowo yang hopelessly romantic. Gw biasa pacaran using words, poetry, or writing a story for my girlfriend(or cewe inceran) at that time. Film2 Dorama, Ephron romantic comedy, Conspiracy Theory, Dawson Creek, basically yang ngebentuk persepsi gw tentang love and how human lovelife works out. And then BEFORE SUNRISE came along, dan gw bener2 di tampar di muka at that time becos Itu film bener2 jujur dan ngegambarin sebuah hubungan hanya lewat conversation. No bullshit and no hollywood disney ending. And it is really really captivated me. Back then, gw gak pernah nonton film sepolos, dan senikmat itu buat ditonton. And that ending, that mysterious beautiful ending. Back then, gw bener2 pengen punya hubungan kaya gitu, talking talking and talking. And keep it mysterious, jadi bisa terus2an hangin on.

In 2004, Sunset arrive. Film yang ngetemuin dua karakter itu bener2 ngebuka mata gue. About how dark and realistic the real ADULT relationship is. The scene where Celine and Jesse saling nyeritain kehancuran kehidupan pribadi mereka in the car bener2 devastated me in a good way saat itu. Bisa dibilang, Before Sunset is the one that destroy my adolescence dream about romantic love. Romantic Love is a bitch. Romantic Love is a fake premium that have a heavy toll and price in your love. Walopun endingnya kembali ambigu dan a bit happy, because obviously kita tahu lah si Jesse bakalan miss the plane, my dream of romantic love is changed. Yang gw mau that time ialah hubungan relationship yang realis terlebih dahulu, baru romantic belakangan.

And time goes by. Gw ampir merit walopun gagal back in 2010 with someone who I’ve thought will be the last person in my live. Kita berdua pisah, dan jujur aja, in my mind at that time, WOW, this is my before sunrise to sunset moment. But not long after that. I’ve met someone. Someone that i’ve decided that I’m gonna spend the rest of my life with, after I’ve watched Before Midnight.What? Bukannya film Before Midnight itu about broken relationship? Bukannya Midnight itu bener2 pas banget ngegambarin the harsh truth bahkan fictional amazing character like Jesse and Celine that cannot save each other?

No, buat gw before midnight is about closure. Its about how to accept something in front of you. Its about to face the truth. Jesse and Celine is facing the truth that even if they want to get marriaged, mereka udah gak akan bisa diselamatin lagi. They’re both have their own seperate path buat dilangkahin lagi. I’ve reached that certain point, and move on. Gue tahu gimana rasanya mesti terpisah dan berjalan sendirian lagi. But my lonely path sekarang udah joinan with another path. I’ve been with my current girlfriend(and soon to be my wife) for more than 4 years, dan gw baru tahu kalau dia is the one for the last 2 years. Why? Before Midnight made me. Before midnight itu unik kalau kita tonton secara keseluruhan berbarengan dengan Sunrise dan sunset. Cos  in those three movies, it’s about two people grappling with the realities of their lives. Dan gak kaya film2 lain yang makin banyak sekuelnya, makin dikit perkembangan karakternya. Before Series kebalikannya. Every movie selalu membawa masa lalu dan betapa kompleksnya adult relationship dan terus menerus ngelemparin the same question. What the fuck is happiness? What the hell are we doing here? How much can I expect from love? Dan di otak gw, perjalanan generational before trilogy since 10 years ago itu kulminasinya ada di hidup gw sekarang. I’m Happy. Unlike Celine and Jesse, I’ve made peace with my past and didn’t have any problem towards the future. And through Celine and Jesse, I’ve learned to savor the moment. To Defend my happiness. I don’t know ada apa di depannya nanti at my life. Ambigu. Abu-abu. But that’s the only thing dalam hidup gw saat ini yang sama persis dengan every before movies.

Jesse and Celine udah bukan jadi harbinger lagi in my life. They’re still exist in my little subconscious as karakter in one of the greatest movies of all time. But no more than that…